So, today one of my dance teachers told me for the five hundredth time that I have a bubble butt and cottage cheese thighs. Well, I thought to myself, they're only going to get worse before I get out of college. And then she went on to the next girl, a friend of mine who never eats to begin with and will probably be dead within the next three years. She poked at her and prodded her like she was a slave at an auction. And so I went ballistic. Thin is one thing; anorexic is another. All these years I've hidden behind a false confidence because I didn't want to be one of those girls who never shut up about their weight. But deep down, I guess I really was one of them after all. I never stopped eating or anything like that, but because I had it drilled into me every day that there was always room to lose, that being able to "pinch an inch" was disgusting, I could never believe that anyone else could possibly find me attractive. I know, I know, it shouldn't matter what anyone else thinks, but in ballet world, it does, and I sometimes have a hard time separating ballet world from the real world. Who are they to tell us what we need to be? What makes "thin" so appealing? And sometimes, I question why I keep going to dance in the first place, and why I can't stop even if I wanted to. Why do any of us? I'll never make it into a professional company with my body (nor do I want to), but it still dances and that's all that matters. I just don't have the energy to hate my body any longer. I surrender. Nobody looks good in a leotard and tights – not even the professionals.